Missing You

25 Aug

This is harder than I’d thought it would be. Not to say it’s bad. I admit, I’m having a blast here. I’ve met some incredible people, made an instant best friend, decorated my room to perfection…but I miss my old life.

Already, I miss my room. My real room. With my bed, my fan, my closet. I miss my kitchen, my refrigerator, my snacks. My living room, dogs, television. My mom. My friends. But more than anything, I miss my Austin.

Before you start rolling your eyes about my attempt to hold on to a “back home in California” relationship, I’ll clue you in. I could be all sappy and tell you about how happy he makes me, how cute he is, how I feel so safe in his arms…but I’ll refrain. Let’s get this straight: I’m not writing an entry about my long-distance relationship issues. Instead, I want to share how hard it is to leave this thing, a boyfriend in my case, that is so important to me.

He’s been my best friend, my world, for years now. And since I’ve been at Pacific, we haven’t been able to talk once. See, while he’s been traveling Europe for fall semester of his junior year, without internet in most places, I’ve been swamped with the chaos of move-in and Voyages. It’s a good thing, I know, that we’re taking this time that we would otherwise still be apart to learn, experience and grow, but all I want is to tell him every detail from my day. It’s been a week since we’ve talked and all my mind does is dwell on how intensely I miss my amazing summer of nothing but him.

Maybe for you, this thing is a best friend, sibling, pet, place. No matter what it is, no matter how long it has been so important to you, being away is hard. Whether you text and Skype everyday or have no communication for weeks at a time, it sucks. But I guess all we can do is keep our spirits high and write down every single memory to share when our roads next cross.

In the meantime, the countdown continues: 111 days.

I-5 Limbo

17 Aug

I had been dreading this moment for months. With tears in my eyes and my car packed to the brim, I gave my final round of goodbye kisses and was off. Proudly displaying my Pacific University bumper sticker, I set off for a thousand mile stretch of the I-5. The sad stayed with me for a first few hours, dwelling on the thought of four months without my boyfriend, my best friends, my dogs…Then, I ran out of tears and something changed in my world.

The realization hit. The goodbyes were over, the hello’s are days away, and I am at a stand still. For now, for these days of travel, I’m in limbo. Since January, each second had been consumed with either depression or excitement, but now I’m disconnected from the flurry of emotions and I just exist.

The truth is, I’ve been longing for this moment. I’d spent countless hours sorting and packing, searching for any new information I may have missed in my time stalking the Pacific website, and trying to get even an ounce of understanding towards how my life would change upon arrival to campus. Back home, everything had its place – my computer and bookmarks, coffee and creamer, flip-flops, gym, church…I’ve had the same routine my entire life, with extremely gradual changes, if any. But it’s all changing now. At this very moment, my world is experiencing a revolution. In just 94 miles, I will be in a new place, creating a new home, a new life. How often will I go into Portland? Will I meet my closest friends during voyages? How on earth will my sleep schedule work?

Yes, I am excited, but now it’s happening. No more wishing for time to speed up or slow down. I’ve left my home, completely diving into the unknown. I’ve given up on trying to control, trying to predict. Now, I’m just along for the ride.

Whether you’re joining me now or anticipating next year’s leap, I invite you to come along on my journey. I’m not trying to sell you on a perfect lifestyle, club or major. I’m not trying to be the model student with all the answers. I just want to learn, share, experience with you.

Limbo is coming to an end, just 20 miles left. Welcome, Erin Jones, to the unknown.